


A wicked and wild wind blew my way

by Bayliwick



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Ghosts, Heavy Angst, Medical Procedures, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2020-12-28 21:48:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21143753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bayliwick/pseuds/Bayliwick
Summary: "The young woman in front of him had fear in her eyes, but he tried not to think about that as he squeezed the trigger. A gunshot reverberated through the halls and Lexie Grey fell to the floor, blood soaking her scrubs."AU of 6x24, Lexie gets shot in the hallway scene





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This started with the idea of Lexie getting shot in 6x24 and it spiraled into this. This is part one, and I'm still working on part two, but hopefully, I'll get it done soon for you guys. In the meantime, enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or you bet Lexie and Mark would've never been killed, they'd be living their life somewhere glamorous with guest appearances every once in a while.

"Mr. Clark." The words fell from her lips as she stared at the man with a gun pointed at her head.

"I didn't mean to kill all those people." He said quietly as if confessing his sins. "I only meant to come here and shoot three people. Dr. Webber, Dr. Sheperd, and you."

Lexie blinked, unsure of what to say in response to that statement. "I'm sorry about your wife, Mr. Clark. I really am and I hope you believe me."

The widower's eyes sharpened at the mention of his wife and he readjusted his aim at Lexie's head. She was one of the doctors responsible for his Alison's death. "You unplugged the machines. You killed her."

The young woman in front of him had fear in her eyes, but he tried not to think about that as he squeezed the trigger. A gunshot reverberated through the halls and Lexie Grey fell to the floor, blood soaking her scrubs.

Gary Clark walked away, taking a left in search of his next victim and trying to ignore his shaking hand.

* * *

Karev kept bleeding, despite how much he stuffed into the bullet hole in the guy's stomach. Mark let out a growl of frustration, "Damn it, Lex," he whispered, "Hurry up so I can save your fricking boyfriend."

He needed blood soon or else he was going to die, and Mark didn't want to be the cause of it, he wasn't sure how Lexie would react… Damn, what was taking her so long, she really should be back by now. Something must have happened to her, there was no other explanation, his gut was telling him. He had to go after her, the thought of her getting hurt made his blood ice over. It was an easy decision to go after her, all possible consequences forgotten. (Plus, Karev needed actual medical equipment, not just the bits of cloth he kept tearing up.)

Using the last bits of material, Mark shoved it into his patient's mouth, "Stay quiet Karev, I'll be back as soon as I can."

Opening the door as slowly as he could, Mark surveyed the empty hallway before taking a cautious, yet hurried pace towards the blood bank. The silence of the hospital struck the plastics attending, it was unnatural for it to ever be this calm. The pit in his stomach grew as he turned corners and there was still no sign of Lexie.

After a few minutes of walking, he came across a supply cart full of blood bags, which was what she had been searching for. Fear rose in Mark and he could begin to feel his heartbeat thundering in his ears at the sight behind the cart.

Sprawled across the floor, her baby blue scrubs mixed with a scarlet, spreading across the tile. Mark's breath caught as he recognized it was Lexie, and he began to plead "No, no, no, not her" when he saw her unmoving chest. Rushing to her side, Mark immediately went to the source of the bleeding, grabbing gauze from the supply cart next to him to soak it all up. He felt her neck and felt a sliver of the weight lift from his chest when he felt a pulse; it was weak but there was a chance.

No doubt she had been visited by the shooter, but the bullet wasn't near her heart, she had a chance of surviving. Picking her up as carefully as he could, Mark ran with her in his arms, all other thoughts be damned. (She had to come out of this alive because Mark was sure now more than ever that he was never going to let her out of his sight again after this.)

* * *

Lexie woke up to a bright fluorescent light shining down on her from the ceiling. As she took in her surroundings, she began to recognize the room as an OR.

_How'd I get here?_ She wondered as she pulled herself up, but stopped, hissing as she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. Looking down, she saw her light blue scrubs covered in blood and it took her a few moments to realize that it was her own.

"Here, let me help." A familiar voice said as a hand reached forward to apply some pressure to her wound. Lexie's brown eyes shot up to meet those of her old roommate. "George," she gasped out through a mixture of surprise and pain.

George nodded with a focused look on his face, the expression of a surgeon in the middle of a difficult situation. "Just hang in there, Lexie." He said soothingly, "The pain will subside in a moment."

The young woman nodded, her mind still trying to process what was happening. Looking down the barrel of a gun, the bang, and Mr. Clark's dead eyes (Just like the wife she unplugged not so long ago) as he watched Lexie fall to the ground. _I was shot,_ Lexie groaned from the memories in addition to the pain caused by George patching up her wound. _And my dead friend is my doctor._

"I'm sorry, Lexie," her friend murmured. "Just one more minute."

When the pain faded as George had promised, Lexie glanced down to see her scrubs were no longer stained red. Feeling around her stomach for the wound revealed only smooth skin. No stitches or scarring it looked like there had been no wound at all. It was just her pale, untanned skin from the lack of sun she had from living in Seattle and spending all her time indoors at the hospital.

Lexie moved her eyes up to meet George's concerned eyes with her fearful ones. "Where am I, George?" She asked, "How is it possible that you're here? Or, a-am I dead?!"

Sensing the warning signs of a Lexie Grey panic attack, George immediately gripped her shoulders to look her directly in the eyes. "Lexie, take some deep breaths. You're fine okay?"

She nodded along, focusing on his eyes and _inhaling, _then_ exhaling_. When she finally calmed down, George started to explain with a grimace, "You aren't dead yet, Lexie, but you are dying."

Lexie nodded, trying to comprehend what he was saying. "So, I-I'm dying… but where are we? And how did I end up here, the last thing that I remember is being shot. In the hallway, n-not the OR-"

"Lexie, _breath._" Her friend reminded her. Lexie shot him a nervous smile at the familiarity (God, she'd missed George) and he matched hers with his dorky one.

After a few minutes, she started again, "George, I'm so confused. What happened to me? If I'm not dead yet shouldn't I feel pain?"

Her friend's face displayed a sympathetic understanding. His voice acquired the doctorly tone that they used to inform people of bad news, "Lex, you're, um, almost dead. Your pulse is slowing down fast and your body is losing a lot of blood in a short amount of time."

Her mouth opened to reply, but no sound came out, "I-I, what? But y-you said that I'm only dying. I still have a chance to live!" She began scanning her surroundings now, "How do I get out of here? I can find someone – a-a doctor. Mer or someone, they can fix me!"

Firm arms wrapped around her to keep her seated on the operating table, "Lexie, you can't, you're too far gone."

"You don't know that George!" She exclaimed, tears starting to fill her line of vision, "I have to go back! Alex, he needs blood, and Mark-" she stopped struggling against George as Mark's pale blue eyes came to mind.

"I-I can't leave him." Lexie's last few words turned in a sob, "I can't leave him, I love him."

"I know, Lexie, I know." George held her tighter as she sank into his chest, unable to sit up on her own. Breathing in his old scent, the scrub soap and a hint of strawberry shampoo (Mer and Christina used to love to tease him about his girly tastes), she felt the tears fall faster. _This can't be happening_, Mark's piercing blue eyes flashed before her and she recalled the urgency in his voice. _"He needs blood."_

_Oh god, Alex_. What would happen to him now that she was laying dead (no _dying_) on the floor of the hospital? _I couldn't the blood get in time. _His last hope was Mark. She clung closer to George as a wave of guilt and sadness hit her.

"It'll be alright, Lex." He comforted her, "It's not so bad in the afterlife, you know. I get to see my grandparents all the time and my old friend from grade school, and that stupid mutt Meredith had wanders around a lot."

Hearing that, hope sparked in her chest. Abruptly pulling away from George she asked, "Is my mom here?"

"Yeah, she is." He replied, "I can take you to her if you like."

She nodded fervently at the offer, allowing George to help her up onto her feet and lead her out of the OR. Outside Lexie recognized the layout of Seattle Grace Mercy West. It was peculiar that the hospital was her version of the afterlife, was it the same for George and others too?

The closer they got to the waiting area, Lexie could hear shouting and her heart started racing as she recognized one of the voices.

"I don't care about your blasted protocols, Ellis!" Susan Grey screamed at her husband's ex-wife, "I want to see my daughter! She needs me right now and I-"

"Susan," the great Ellis Grey's tone was deadly serious "You know I can't let you into the OR unless you have the proper clearance, so you're just going to have to wait until O'Malley brings her out."

Opening her mouth to retort, Susan was interrupted by her daughter's voice.

"Mom!" Lexie left George's side and ran to her mother's open arms. Fresh tears sprung from her eyes as she breathed in her mom's familiar scent, letting years-old memories spring forward. Molly and her playing in front of the television while her parents were curled up on the couch, hitting her first home run in softball, tentatively opening her acceptance letter to Harvard and the joy that followed… so many memories.

"Oh, my little Lexie girl." Susan whispered, "I can't believe you're here."

After too short of a hug, her mom pulled away to look at her face, wiping away the tears on Lexie's face. "Honey, I'm sorry you had to come so soon. You should've had a hundred more years before you came here."

Overwhelmed by everything, Lexie just nodded. She sunk forward into her mom for another hug, just enjoying that she could at least feel her again.

After another minute of comfort, Lexie pulled away slightly but stayed within her mother's loose embrace. "I need to get back. Even if it's just for a minute, I-I need to say good-bye."

Tears began to fill her eyes again at the thought of dying when the last face she had seen had been the one of her killer. "I can't leave without saying good-bye."

"Oh honey," Susan whispered sorrowfully, "That's not how it works."

Behind her mother, George met her eyes sympathetically, "I told you, Lex, you're too far gone-"

"It would be cruel of us to send you back with the level of pain you would feel right now." Ellis's sharp voice cut in, "We pulled you here a bit early I admit, but it was to spare you from feeling the extent of your wound."

Lexie met the matching irises her sister had but felt the steel behind them that came from years in the ruthless profession. Ellis studied her in turn, her lips pursed in a disapproving sort of frown. _No wonder Mer has so many issues_, Lexie thought to herself, already feeling chills from the few moments in front of Ellis Grey.

"I have to go back. I have to say good-bye." The young resident insisted, turning to her mother with her old puppy dog eyes. "Mom, please."

"Oh, honey," Susan repeated, pulling her eldest daughter in for another hug.

"Lex, it's gonna hurt. A lot." George said, "Emotionally too."

Straightening her spine, she stared at her mom and George. "I'm willing to take that chance. I have to say good-bye."

Ellis snorted (what part about this was humorous?) from her place a few feet away, "Alright, I'll allow it. But you were warned."

Lexie nodded, "How do I get back?"

"It's this way," George pointed towards the entrance.

Turning and giving her mom one last hug, she whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too, my Lexie girl." Her mother's warm breath tickled her neck. "And I'm so proud of the woman you've become."

Susan wiped the tears forming in her daughter's eyes away, "There is a small chance you may live, Lexie. But you must be willing to fight for it."

"I will." She sent her mom a rueful smile, letting George lead her away. From behind, she heard Ellis mutter, "She definitely got her spirit from you, Susan."

George paused in front of the elevator doors, watching as the grating _ding!_ sounded to announce it's arrival. "Bye George." Lexie waved as she entered, which he returned, "Good luck."

As the door shut, she fidgeted as she waited for them to open again. There were no buttons to press, it was all out of her control. Slowly the doors opened, and she gasped when she saw who was waiting there.

"Alex?"

* * *

Outside of the hospital there only existed chaos. Sirens and barricades of people greeted Mark as he came outside with a bleeding Lexie in his arms. Gunpoint was the first response to his appearance, but the officers were quickly shoved aside by a slim figure in navy-blue scrubs. Never had Mark been happier to see Teddy Altman in his life. A doctor he trusted to help fix Lexie, that was the biggest blessing of the day.

Thankful for her experience in trauma, Teddy quickly assessed the situation (mentally pushing aside the fact that this was one of her co-workers) and guided a gurney over to Mark for him to put Lexie on to. Together with a paramedic, they pulled the younger Grey into an ambulance with Mark following closely behind.

"What happened?" Teddy asked Mark as the ambulance doors shut behind him.

"I found her collapsed in the hallway, she was shot –" He started to answer, but felt his voice crack as he relived the sight in his mind. Keeping his hand in Lexie's and felt her wrist for a pulse, allowing it to keep him steady.

"I tried to stop the bleeding, and the bullet didn't hit her heart, but –" He rushed out, tripping over his words. Teddy gave him a quick look but seemed to decide he was fine (definitely not enough to help though) as she focused on Lexie. "Page ahead to Seattle Pres," she instructed the driver, "We're going to need an OR on arrival."

Mark watched her work diligently, his heart beating faster as the ambulance raced through Seattle. Shuddering out deep breaths, he prayed, _come on, Lex, you've gotta stay with me._

Underneath his fingertips, he felt her heart rate pick up. A sharp gasp came from Lexie as her eyes opened, her brown irises darting around the interior of the ambulance. She let out a cry of pain which struck Mark to his core while Teddy called, "She's awake. I need meds!"

"Lex," Mark breathed out her name as he leaned over her, "It's okay, I'm here. We've got you."

"Mark," her lips parted for his name, barely getting it out. "I…"

"Shhh, Little Grey," He gripped her hand tighter, "I need you to save your strength and stay alive now, okay?"

An emotion flashed behind her eyes as she sucked in another breath of pain. Teddy readied the anesthetics, "Lexie, we're going to have to knock you out now."

"W-wait Mark," Lexie inhaled deeply, her eyes swirling with pain, but also another emotion. Teddy paused while the resident spoke, "I love you."

His heart soared as her words hit his ears, but it was cut off as she let out another whimper of pain. "A-and tell Mer…" Lexie's body shuddered as she tried to continue.

"She knows, Lex," Mark assured her, meeting her brown eyes with his. "And I love you too. And I need you to fight for me and stay alive, so we can be together, okay?" A soft smile blossomed on Lexie's face as he kissed her hand. _She loves me!_

He looked at Teddy who had been watching the scene with a somber smile, "You can give it to her now."

The cardio surgeon nodded as she administered the medicine and Lexie's eyes fluttered shut as she fell unconscious.

When the ambulance pulled up, Teddy ordered him to stand aside while they rushed her into surgery. Mark didn't protest despite his desire to, knowing that any obstacle right now would further her chances of dying.

He wandered into the crazed E.R., ignoring the sounds as he tried to find a quiet corner and just collapse. The adrenaline rush from earlier faded, and exhaustion enveloped him as he fought back tears. _She's gonna be fine_, he told himself, trying to focus on her last words to him.

_"I love you."_

Lexie loved him. And god he loved her, she just needed to make it out of surgery alive so he could kiss her again. Focusing on that and shock still coursing through his veins, it took a while before his mind wandered away from what had just happened.

_Shit, Karev!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Lexie's fates are revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here finally! God this took a while to write, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I stayed up pretty late finishing this so any mistakes are mine.

"Alex?"

The moment his name left her mouth, his face scrunched up in confusion. "Lexie? Where are we?"

Lexie gaped wordlessly at him as she assessed him. His bullet wound was gone and his scrubs were spotless, no holes or blood like the state she'd unwillingly left him in earlier. Nor like how'd she'd woken up with George by her side. "What happened to you?"

"The last thing I remember is getting shot by that crazy man." Alex's voice rose in anger, "He shot me! What a freaking lunatic."

Sucking in a breath, Lexie ran her hands through her hair. The blonde strands were escaping from her bun and she absentmindedly made a note to change the color back to brown as she tucked it behind her ear. Trying to figure out how to tell her – boyfriend or now ex-boyfriend? – what little she knew and how hurt he must be to have ended up in this place was difficult to form an answer for.

"Well uh, we're, um…" She stammered out while fingering her hair.

Alex (who'd always been smarter than people gave him credit for) spoke in a soft voice. "Lex, am I… Are we dead?"

As their eyes met, a silent affirmation passed between them. Alex turned away with a swear, "That son of a bitch." His hands found his hips, "I freaking bled out. Fuck." He paced a little, "What happened to you?"

"I, uh, met Mr. Clark when I went to get you blood from the blood bank," she stammered out. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to get back in time."

She clasped her hands together nervously when she felt an arm sling itself around her shoulders. Surprised by the sudden intimacy, she stayed silent while Alex shrugged, "I can't blame you, Lex. It's that crazy bastard's fault, not yours."

_"You unplugged the machines. You killed her." _Mr. Clark's accusation rang in her ears as Lexie said, "Mr. Clark came to the hospital because I killed his wife. It is my fault. I'm the reason you're here. I'm sorry." She let out a sob at the last few words.

"Lex, don't do that to yourself." Her friend said, gathering her fragile frame into his arms. Teardrops stained his shirt while he rubbed her back, his expression still dazed from information overload. The two friends stayed like that for a little while until a familiar _ding!_ Interrupted them.

"Hey, Alex." A low murmur sounded behind them. George stood there, his hands shoved in his pockets with a somber expression. He met Lexie's eyes knowingly, and she let out a gasp in realization. There was a reason Alex showed up with no bleeding wound while she had.

"No," she whispered to herself while Alex said, "O'Malley?"

"You need to go, Lexie." George addressed her, "You're running out of time."

Still shocked, Lexie shook her head, "I can't. Not now."

George's eyes were sympathetic, "You have to if you want to say good-bye. I'll explain everything to Alex, you have to go."

"Explain what?" Their friend asked, getting visibly frustrated by being out of the loop. "What the hell is going on? Are you leaving, Lex?"

"I'm just dying," she finally found the words. "I'm going back to say good-bye."

"To Sloan?" Alex asked, his eyes unreadable.

She paused before nodding. "And Mer."

Alex sighed deeply, running his hand through his hair. He stunned her when he flashed his signature half-smirk, "We always knew we were fooling ourselves, Lex. You never got over Sloan and I never got over Izzie." Pausing briefly he took another sigh, "Don't go to just say good-bye, Lex. Go fight to live your life, okay? You deserve to be happy."

She matched his smile with a sad one. "Okay. I will."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Alex told her as she reached up to peck his cheek one last time. The pair shared one last smile before she turned to give George another hug before exiting the elevator on the other side. She felt a warm light embrace her as Alex called out, "And tell Mer and Christina they're lucky I'm dead, otherwise it'd be me in the final two!"

* * *

_Eight hours_, Mark thought miserably as he sipped some of the coffee. The drink had long gone cold, but he had no energy to get a new one. Meredith sat next to him, tear-stains still visible on her face, but she was all cried out.

_It sucks to be the family member of a patient_, Mark noted bitterly. He just wanted this day to end, for it all to be a nightmare and he'd wake up with Lexie safe in his arms, snuggled up in the bed in his apartment.

Teddy was still in surgery, but she'd promised to send out hourly updates. Their liaison, Dr. Parks, a mousy-haired intern from Seattle Pres scampered up to them. Meredith looked up eagerly while Mark tightened his grip on the coffee, nearly puncturing the Styrofoam.

With a tight smile, Dr. Parks shared, "Dr. Altman was able to remove the bullet and repair most of the bleeding. She will begin to close up soon and transport the patient to ICU. I'll come back when you can come to see her."

Letting out a sigh of relief, he said, "Thank you." Meredith echoed it softly while Dr. Parks scurried back, her surgery gown fluttering behind her.

"She reminds me of George," his best friend's wife said, just loud enough for him to hear. Mark turned to meet her shimmering eyes, "I just hope she's smart enough not to enlist in the army."

Guffawing at the terrible joke, Mark felt the tension in his shoulders give way as another laugh escaped him. Meredith quickly joined in and the two of them spiraled into a loud fit, drawing the attention of the others waiting with them.

Christina sent them an odd look as Owen sat beside her, while Richard watched with sad eyes. April silenced her crying long enough to listen in and Jackson just stared at them blankly. Bailey's reaction though took the cake. "Why in hell are you two buffoons laughing?"

Mark knew she was just as anxious for news about Lexie as the rest of them, but her words spurred another cackle to escape him as Meredith doubled over. Callie sent them a half-smile, knowing that if the news was truly bad, neither of the pair would be acting this way. After another minute and more of Bailey's threatening, Meredith managed to calm down and say, "She's being transported to the ICU soon."

Collective sighs of relief filled the waiting room at the news. "That's good to hear," Richard said, smiling at Meredith.

She returned it gratefully before standing up, "I'm going to go check on Derek now. I'll let you know if there's any news." She told Mark who felt a twinge of guilt as she left. He had yet to visit his best friend's room, but waiting to hear about Lexie had taken up his entire focus.

His guilt projected another image: of Karev lying on the table with a bullet in his side. Mark had been too late in telling the authorities, the fourth-year resident had bled out by the time they found him. His heart lurched as he thought about it, making his joy about the news disappear.

Callie shifted seats to occupy Meredith's, interrupting his thoughts. "This is good news, Mark."

"Yeah," he muttered, still picturing the sight of her splayed on the ground, covered in her blood.

"When was the last time you've eaten, Mark?" His best friend probed.

"I don't know."

"How about we go to the vending machine? Take a walk? See Derek?"

"I want to wait for Lexie." He said, his jaw tightening. He needed to see her, make sure she was fine with his own eyes. The intern had said it would be soon.

"Let's at least get some food," Callie suggested. "Arizona will text us if anything happens." The blonde surgeon affirmed with a quick smile from across the row. After a few moments, Callie added, "You need to take care of yourself, Mark. Lexie won't be happy if she heard about you starving yourself."

"Fine," he relented.

* * *

Punching in the first combination, he pulled out the potato chips with dispassion. His appetite was shot, but he half-heartedly munched on them as Callie appraised him. "Mark, I know it's been a…" His best friend floundered for a moment, "…day. But I thought you would be a bit happier about Lexie being okay."

"I am happy about that," he replied. Crumbling up the half-full bag, he tossed it in the nearest trash. Callie frowned at how few chips he ate, but let it go in favor of the bigger issue.

"But something's still bothering you, beyond the fact that we were in a shooting."

Scratching the scruff on his chin, he exhaled slowly. Damn Callie for knowing him so well, "I'm the reason Karev is dead."

"Mark…" She stepped forward to lay her hand on his shoulder, but he slapped her away.

"No, Callie!" He said in a burst of anger (mostly at himself). "I left him to go find Lexie. And I left him there." His voice cracked as he admitted it, "I'm the reason he's dead."

His best friend watched silently, hovering between coming closer or letting him have his space.

"And you know what the ironic part is, Callie?" Mark turned to her, his eyes starting to get glassy. "Over the past few months, I've wished he was out of the picture so many times. So I could be with Lexie, but he was in the way. And now it's like my wish came true."

Deciding to step forward, Callie caught his weight as he fell towards the ground, burying his hands into his face. This was a side she had never seen before of the proud and arrogant Mark Sloan. Sure there had been small moments of vulnerability before, but this _shattered _version of him frightened her. Rubbing his back as he tried to choke back his sobs, Callie just stayed by his side as he tore himself up inside, unsure what to say.

* * *

A groan escaped her lips as the pain rushed her. Blearily opening her eyes, Lexie tried to decipher where she was: the afterlife hospital or the real-life hospital. Reaching down she felt a large bandage on her side and saw the IV in her hand, sparking hope inside her heart. She wouldn't need these in the after-life, right?

Her question was answered when she turned her head she saw Mer fast asleep on the chair to her right, snoring loudly. Smirking at the memory of Derek's complaints about her sister's snoring and how he was forced to sleep on the couch because of it. Mer must've been dozing because Lexie's soft laughter caused her to jerk awake. Her blue eyes widened when she saw Lexie smirking at her.

"You're awake!" Her sister breathed a sigh of relief, reaching over to grab a water cup and hand it to Lexie. "Here drink."

Gulping down the water enthusiastically, Lexie said, "Hi." Her brown eyes were warm with affection, drinking in the sight of the person she thought she'd never see again.

Meredith's lips pressed together and grasped her hand tightly, "You're not allowed to become the sister that gets into danger, okay? That was me with little self-esteem and Mommy issues, you're not allowed to become me."

Squeezing Mer's hand, Lexie said, "It's a one-time thing, I promise. But only if you do too."

"Deal."

Lying her head back, Lexie had to ask. "Was it bad?"

Meredith looked away but kept her hand in Lexie's. "Your heart stopped twice on the table. Once for ten minutes. You've been out for two days."

"And Mark?"

"He's with Derek right now, but he stayed with you all last night."

"What happened to Derek?" Lex asked, alarm spreading across her face. Did he get hurt too? Was he okay? What else had she missed?

"He's fine," Meredith told her. The blonde's voice cracked slightly, "But he was shot too."

"Oh god," she cried out. Her brother-in-law nearly died because of her too?!

"Lex, breath," Meredith instructed. Threading her fingers through the faux-blonde hair, Meredith murmured words of comfort until the younger Grey was able to regain control of her breathing minutes later.

Rolling over to stare the ceiling, Lexie whispered, "It's my fault. I'm sorry." Tears began to fall down her face.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's my fault Derek got shot. It's my fault Alex is dead. I'm the reason Mr. Clark came to the hospital with a gun because I unplugged his wife. I killed her," she sobbed into her pillow. Meredith squeezed her sister's hand this time.

"Lex, listen to me," the blonde told her. "This was_ not_ your fault. It's Mr. Clark's fault. Do you understand that?"

Lexie shook her head, denying it. Sensing that she wouldn't be able to change her sister's mind right now, Meredith changed the subject to something else that concerned her. "Lex, how did you know that Alex was dead?"

Startled by the question, the youngest Grey took a moment to form an answer. "Um, I saw him. When I was under." Meeting Mer's blue eyes to find understanding there, she continued, "I saw my mom again. And George."

"Oh Lex," her sister murmured, but urged Lex to keep going.

"I woke up in an O.R. with George healing me, and then I saw my mom and yours. God Mer," Lexie chuckled, "Ellis Grey is a scary woman."

Meredith chuckled in agreement, "She was the worst."

"And then I was leaving, I ran into Alex. He just knew right away." Sniffling, she wiped the tears away. "He bled out while I got shot."

"That's not your fault," Mer repeated, reaching up to wipe some of Lexie's stray tears. "You need to understand that. None of this was your fault. Do you understand?"

Silently acquiescing, Lexie nodded but both Greys knew it would take more work later on. But they changed the subject again, "I had a similar experience when I nearly drowned years ago. Did you hear about that?"

Shaking her head, Lexie listened as her sister took the focus onto herself for the next hour.

* * *

Callie had convinced him to go home to shower that morning, but the second Mark stepped foot outside the hospital he got a page that Lexie was awake. He knew that Callie would likely kill him for not going home after barely eating and sleeping for two days straight when switching between Derek and Lexie's rooms, but he wasn't going to waste another second away from the love of his life. Sprinting to the elevator, he repeatedly pressed the button while impatiently tapping his foot.

Once on her floor, he nearly collided into Meredith as she was exiting Lexie's room. His future sister-in-law (a bit presumptuous, but he was going to marry Lexie after all this) held her hand over her heart from the shock. "Mark," she greeted him with a tired smile. "She's awake, but the nurses just pumped her full of more pain meds so I'm not sure for how much longer."

"I'll take all the time I can get," he said as he pushed his way into the room. He held his breath when he walked in and met her chocolate eyes, only exhaling when she lit up at the sight of him. "Lex," he breathed out in relief.

"Hey," she had the same tone of wonder he did.

She was alive, and he rushed over to pull her to him. Pressing their lips together, he enveloped her tiny frame against his body as their lips worked against each other. Lexie let out a surprised squeak, but he quickly swallowed it as he poured all of the love he felt for her into the kiss.

Before they could progress too far, Mark pulled away to a breathless Lexie in his arms. Her cheeks were flushed and pupils fully dilated, and her heart monitor was increasing rapidly which he noted with amusement. Mark suppressed his desire before they could further this. He didn't want to cause her any strain, she needed to recuperate and be a hundred percent again; he would never let her be hurt again.

"I love you too, Little Grey."

Lexie ducked her head with a chuckle, "That's certainly a way to tell me."

God, he loved her smile. "You certainly chose a way to tell me the first time." Running his hand through her hair like he knew she liked, he said, "You're currently responsible for all the grey on my head, Little Grey."

"I'm sorry," she murmured while looking down at their conjoined hands. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"As am I, Lex. That shouldn't have happened to you." Mark pressed a kiss to her forehead. He repositioned them so they were lying together, her head resting on his chest when her eyes started to droop from the meds. Eventually, Lexie fell asleep while he kept stroking her hair and holding her close.

Guilt blossomed in his heart as he thought of how Karev had this not so long ago and Mark essentially replaced him. It didn't settle right in his stomach, but Mark pushed it aside in favor of the relief he felt that she was okay. His best friend was also alive and well. The love of his life was alive and well. That was what helped Mark sleep that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about killing off Alex... but it kind of became a necessary plot point and gives a great excuse for the angst that you'll be seeing in the next chapter. That one should (hopefully) be the last.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey… I know it’s been a while but I finally got around to writing another chapter :) this one’s more of a transition than anything else and I know it’s going to be a few more chapters before this thing ultimately ends now because every time I write some more for this story I get another idea and just ugh, this story is getting out of hand lol
> 
> Thank you to everyone who’s commented, left kudos, and bookmarked! I’m glad so many of you are enjoying this story
> 
> This is unbeta’d and I own only the plot

_Alexander Michael Karev_

_ 1978 – 2010 _

_Beloved son, brother, and friend_

Even seeing the words engraved on the pale stone, it still didn’t feel real to Lexie. As she stood in her black dress and Mark’s oversized jacket on her shoulders to shield her from the wind, the surgical resident wiped away the tears streaming down her face. Mark held her close as she sniffled into his chest, barely listening to the pastor’s words as he droned on about a bible passage about death and how it’s really a gift in the end.

Due to “unfortunate circumstances” none of Alex’s biological family was able to make it to the funeral or bothered to have his body shipped home. Therefore, his Seattle Grace Mercy West family decided to hold the funeral in Seattle, the place that had been his home for several years now. Lexie had only ever met his brother once (who had seemed nice enough at the time) and only heard stories about his sister and mother, but none of it seemed to explain why they couldn’t bother to show up for his funeral at the very least.

Lexie was resentful at the Karev family for not bothering to show up to Alex’s funeral, but the most unforgivable action was that Izzie didn’t come or even send a reply. Meredith (and sporadically Christina) had left dozens of messages and texts, even going as far to contact the former doctor’s mom to try and contact Izzie. It boiled Lexie’s blood because Alex deserved to have his loved ones here, especially after he’d looked after his family and Izzie in their times of need.

Aside from her and Mark, only a small portion of the hospital staff was present for the funeral. Christina and Owen, the newly engaged couple, stood a few feet away with Arizona and Callie beside them. Webber, Bailey, and Altman were towards the back of the crowd while April huddled against Jackson’s stolid form. Both former Mercy Westers were silent and dry-eyed, having cried themselves out earlier in the week for Reed’s and Percy’s funerals. A few more nameless staff were present, but ultimately, Lexie thought Alex deserved better than this meager turnout.

He deserved better than the fate he got too. Dying with no one by his side, in the hospital where he worked so hard to save lives no less. It was a terrible way to die and yet it was the fate Lexie had left him in. Fresh tears sparked in her eyes and she slumped further against Mark’s solid form at that thought.

Struggling against the emotional and physical exhaustion, she pushed her cheek in his suit jacket to try and stay upright. Her abdomen where she’d been shot was still tender with the healing slow going, and that only enervated her further. But she was determined to make it through this funeral. It was the least she could do after all.

* * *

Mark suppressed a groan at the sappiness of the pastor’s speech, it was worse than the guy who spoke at O’Malley’s funeral. Shame crept up his spine at that thought. He shouldn’t be thinking like this, especially when Karev’s death was because of him. Lexie shifted closer to him and Mark tried to focus on comforting his girlfriend, who was beginning to rely more heavily on him as time passed.

It’d only been two weeks since the shooting and Lexie had just been released from the hospital three days ago. Altman had prescribed lots of pain meds and bed rest, with absolutely no strenuous activity for another month (with a pointed look at Mark when she said it). Mark was diligent with keeping a schedule for Lexie to follow and keeping her confined to the bed in his apartment. This was the first time he’d relented in allowing her to leave for a significant period of time since she’d insisted on coming today to honor Karev.

But as the ceremony went on her struggle to stay upright worsened and her dependence on him grew. Meredith and Derek stood to the couple’s other side with Meredith dabbing her eyes and Derek remained stone-faced. Managing to catch Derek’s eye, Mark gestured that he was going to take Lexie home since she looked like she would collapse at any moment. His best friend nodded while Mark guided his girlfriend away from the mourners and towards his Porsche. Lexie didn’t protest, showing that she was definitely more tired than she’d been letting on.

The drive back to his apartment was short and quiet. Once inside, Lexie didn’t pull away from his touch but she didn’t speak a word to him. She just headed to the bedroom to immediately peel away the black dress she’d struggled to put on that morning. Normally he’d push Lexie towards the bed as he watched her strip, but seeing the pinkness around the bandage on her side just brought back the reality of their last few weeks together.

Physically, Lexie was with him. She was living in his apartment again. He took care of her and she let him. When he had called her his girlfriend a few times, Lexie never disputed that fact.

And they both loved each other, saying it to each other every night before sleeping next to each other. But they never officially talked about what exact stage they were at.

For Mark, he still had plans to marry her. He never intended to let her go again. If she said yes, he’d sweep her down to the courthouse to marry her on the spot or even help her plan an elaborate ceremony with no worry about expenses. But he was waiting for Lexie to be ready for that, first of which was healing physically and emotionally. He needed her to catch up with him before they took those steps. One of which was ultimately having the conversation of what exactly they were and where they saw themselves going in the future.

And then there was the fact that in order for her to even be with him, her previous boyfriend had to die and she had to be shot. Anyone would tell him to be grateful for what he had and how lucky they were, but the guilt still lingered about leaving Karev alone in the first place. But if Mark hadn’t, then Lexie could have bled out instead.

The blond rubbed his eyes as he thought about all of this, stressed as hell. He couldn’t talk to Lexie about it because his problems were inconsequential compared to hers. Derek too. Both his girlfriend and best friend had been through a seriously traumatic experience and he felt like he couldn’t tell them about his problems when they were so small in comparison. And besides, he didn’t want to spook Lexie with talking about it when she still hadn’t opened up to him about the experience to him.

It troubled him, her silence on the topic. But he had to respect it and give her space about it. He couldn’t push her into it. He couldn’t push her away again and risk losing her a second time. This time he’d vowed to do everything right, Lexie deserved that. He was serious when he told her he wanted to marry her. All he wanted to do for the rest of his life was love and cherish her. She deserved the best and he would provide that for her.

Although it was hard to ignore the dark thought in the back of his head that wondered if he deserved this ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: the title of the story comes from “Viva la Vida” by Coldplay. It’s a lyric from the song, which is about a king’s who’s lost his kingdom because he was a tyrant. The song’s story and my story are not really related, I just really liked the song and the line seemed to fit. 
> 
> Thoughts? Anything you’d like to see? I enjoy all feedback or constructive criticism :)


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